The Serial Dater

I met Terry a couple years ago in downtown Seattle thru a common friend. He was everything I would never like; arrogant, too self-confident and not even good looking. Weirdly, it seemed like I was the only one not attracted to him. He was the kind of guy who brings home a different girl every night and has four relationships at the same time. As I said before, he was not even likable as a friend. At least that’s what I thought. After a few months I learned to know Terry and started to like him. He even finally became a really close friend of mine. It turned out that having a serial dater as one of your best friends can be really useful sometimes. Not only because he will eventually become a sex buddy but also because when he is your friend, he gives you some tips on how to get a man.

A Thursday night at Terry’s apartment. “Hey Terry, it’s me … again. I left you like 5 voice mails today. I don’t really understand why you won’t call me back. I thought we had a great time together last week… I hope you’re okay, please call me back.” That was Lynn letting a sixth message to Terry. I handed him his phone back and asked him. “Why don’t you call her back or answer her phone calls?” “Because she told me she loved me”.

I would agree that this was a bit harsh on the girl but when you start seeing a serial dater, you know what you are getting yourself into. You also know that he might hurt your feelings, so you don’t wan to reveal too much too soon and be emotionally slutty. That night Terry asked me. “When is she going to understand that I do not want to talk to her anymore?” “Huh… when you’ll have the balls to call her and tell her yourself!” at least that’s what I should have said. But I just told him that she would stop calling eventually at one point, he just had to be patient. What’s up with guys who chose silence over honesty anyways? Is it too hard for a man to tell someone that it is over? Or is it just too difficult for a “serial dater” to handle feelings? Maybe that was the problem; guys like Terry chose to avoid those conversations so they won’t have to face their feelings.

The next day at lunch, I asked Terry why he didn’t want to allow his self to love this woman or any other. He looked at me in the eyes and for the first time I felt like I pointed out something deeply hurtful. He said “When I was 16 someone I truly loved broke my heart and since then I only had rebounds.” So that was the problem. After five years and more than 100 rebounds, he still hadn’t get over his first real love. Maybe heartbreakers are romantics after all.